Being an artist.

Ahh, it’s Friday and the sun has finally decided to come out! This makes me very happy, I’m just finishing up at work and getting ready to go home and do some art. I haven’t had much time do anything personal, as work has been crazy busy! (not that people use their work day to do anything personal…ahem..clearing throat). I’ve spent the past three days looking at images and more images. I was going to write about all of the work craziness, but decided I didn’t want to spend any more time thinking about it, so onto better things.

Art.

A few days ago, I had a really good conversation about art and what it means to “be an artist.” For awhile I was stuck and not painting as much as I’d like. I had a lot of chats with people about what I wanted to do, but didn’t actually do any art. I’d ask people what they thought of my work and how I could improve it. Before long, I had lists and lists of what people thought I could do. Don’t get me wrong–I asked for this and many points were valid–but when a free moment came and I wanted to do some art, I couldn’t do anything! I’d pick up a paint brush and just feel stuck. I started to feel that whatever I did (or was going to do) wasn’t (wouldn’t be) “good/pleasing enough” to different people. What one person likes, another person hates….and as one can imagine, it was very overwhelming.

Truthfully, I’ve been feeling this way about my art for awhile, but haven’t spent any time thinking about it. I’ve spent a lot of time working on my “worry knots” and letting go of negative emotions.  My feelings of being stuck actually relate to all of this. Since I am a person that constantly wishes to please people, it’s natural that I would want them to “appreciate my art,” but worrying about what others thought made me lose site of why I did art in the first place. In all of these jumbled thoughts, I realized a few things.

1. I am an artist~ what this means to me, is expressing myself through color, photos, music, writing, doodling, or any other creative outlet. I am an emotional person and it feels good to release…whether it’s in a pretty painting or just screaming into the air…I find that I’m a better person when I let it go, rather than keeping it in.

2. Pretty things make me happy~ even if they are boring to some people. Colorful swirls, butterflies, trees, GLITTER, and whatever else comes to my head. I like this. The best things come, when I just let it flow…seems to be a theme..”letting go, release, etc.”

3. Time will always get the best of me~  I’m one person and can’t make everything today. While I might only make one painting every couple of months, it’s better than nothing. I’m also starting my career, singing in a choir, volunteering, and a bunch of other things. The time I can spend on art, should just be spent on creating, and not worrying about what everyone else will think of it.

I’m glad I figured these things out. I realize now that worry, fear, and wanting to please others take over me. It can affect me in all areas of my life: love, art, relationships, etc. These are my “worry knots.” Sometimes they come out of nowhere, making my tummy ache. They are often caused by something completely imaginary or irrational, black and white thinking. Believe it or not, I recently did a painting about my “worry knots” and I’m pretty pleased with it. It’s a piece where I allowed myself to just be and release everything I’d been feeling. The past few months have been about this, “letting this be” and figuring myself out. It’s been hard at times, but right now I feel like I am in a very good place. My plan is to do more art about my self growth. Now that I’ve let go of these pressures, I think my art will grow with me.

 

My painting about letting go of “worry knots”

Huge thank you!!

Btw, I need to post a HUGE THANK YOU!! to Calee for updating my site this weekend!

I have all sorts of fun themes and have even updated my etsy store!

THANK YOU!!!

Hopefully, she enjoys her wings as a thank you. 🙂

To do lists and painting parties..

I love making lists. Even more than this, I love crossing things off my list. Here’s what I have so far…

Weekly to-do list-

  1. Canvas Project art project!!
  2. Wedding painting present
  3. Pick up dry cleaning
  4. Choir concert program
  5. Look into tax license for new painting project

So far, so good. I was the first at work today and was able to work on the layout for the program (#4). I recently started taking on small projects to teach myself design including photo shop and InDesign. My First Program Ever turned out pretty nice. These choir programs are perfect for me to learn layouts and basic design. I actually think it’s fun to put things layouts! Any of my design friends, probably think this is crazy. 🙂

Sadly, the other items on my list, will have to be done throughout the week, as I can’t just bring my art to work! I am excited to work on my canvas project, and will write more about it, as I complete the pieces.

The last item on the list is something that I decided to start over the weekend (and can “work” on at the office, since at this point it’s mostly research). This is something I should have started a long time ago, since I’m constantly on the search for ways to expedite my “plan to freedom”, aka get out of debt.

Background: Since I am always in the need of extra cash, I started this second job, it’s just a weekend thing, since I have a full time job. It all started when Dandeena told me to go to the park and face paint. I spent the past 10 summers in Iowa facepainting at carnivals (btw, I’m not a carnie!) with her, and she was floored that I hadn’t tried it since moving to New York. So last summer, I did it. I went to the park, with a bag of facepaints and tried to make some cash. At first, I charged by “donation only” and basically  made $6 for three paintings. In Iowa the paintings I did would have made me $15. I quickly realized that I wasn’t charging enough and that I needed to move to a more “kid-friendly” area. I moved to the merry-go-round and charged a flat $5 per painting. I ended up meeting a woman that owned her own “body art” company, where artists go to parties and paint. I got hired on the spot. So two hours and a $100 later, I felt like it was a productive day.

Fast forward, six months ahead and here I am, spending some weekend nights at parties with 13-year olds. Basically, I go to bat/bar mitzvahs and do the body art for the kids attending. Honestly, I wouldn’t call it art as most of the people prefer the airbrush tattoos. These are easy and require minimal chatting with the kids…

Kid: Can I have the pig

Me: Number please?

Kid: B26

Me: Glitter?

Kid: YES! Any Color!

As you can tell, it’s not that hard. I might make it sound terrible, but it’s actually pretty fun. Not to mention, it’s amazing to see these expensive parties. I’ve heard that some of these parties cost $1,000,000!!! I can’t imagine spending so much money on a party! It has been very cool to see amazing venues in the city (rooftops, skyscrapers, waterfront views, etc) but as one little girl pointed out this weekend, “It must be fun to be the body artist, but actually, I think it would kind of suck, since you can’t eat any of the food and you just have to watch everyone have fun.” Thanks kid, glad you’re so on top of things, but in many ways, she is right–I just can’t believe she pointed it out. I have worked enough service industry–all black attire–Labor Ready events to know that the painting jobs are just a couple of steps above this.

Ewww….just the thought of Labor Ready makes me cringe…I’m so happy I’m not working for Labor Ready and giving plasma to survive. Yes, life is good. Just those two words remind me of this! No more same day paychecks and “it’s been 10 days since an accident” signs! I have truly come far.

first time for everything…

Okay, so this is my first blog. As I type this, I am realizing that I think I am going to like this! 🙂 I got over the hard part, remembering my login and password. This will be another source of release. I love writing, doodling, sketching, and everything else…but, lately I’m feeling stuck.

Stuck, stuck, stuck.

I can’t seem to get myself motivated to do any art. Hopefully, I will. Today is a new day, and maybe I’ll be able to do something new tonight. I just need to start.

hmm…blogging. 🙂 not sure if anyone will ever read this, and that’s okay. but if people do, i hope they don’t mind my randomness!

thanks calee for getting me started!