…I wish I could be there
Wish I could make it right

Don’t you worry, you’ll soon be on the mend
That’s no trick, that flicker of radiance
And you’ll feel lucky, darling, I’m sure of it
You’ll figure it out…and get good again…

**

I’ll never understand the circles that this life makes us take, but love comes and goes and comes back again in the strangest ways. It just sucks that hearts ever have to be broken.

“We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come.”
- Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Sometimes people say things to us that make us see things with a different lens. All of a sudden light is shed on things you defended or ignored. But it’s freeing in a way. It releases the harsh emotions and ill-willed thoughts. You’re able to take a breath and say “okay, I get it now.” And so you keep moving. Forward, forward, forward. With all of your might. To the things that matter most. A simple realization can bring the lightness back into your step. It helps you laugh and smile. And despite feeling burdened by rejection, you realize serenity comes only from things you can control. That self-love matters most.

So, with Kundera in mind if this is the one life I know, I might as well keep doing what I’m doing. I don’t know that I’ll always get it right, but at least I’m living. And I’m going to chose wisely. Next time around, I’ll remember these signs and will protect my heart. But my intentions will remain full of love. Even for those that have hurt me. Even for those things that irritate me (that person that threw their trash on the ground and walked in front of me).
Remember compassion. Remain mindful. Remain me.

With that, I’m giving myself a little break from this reflection and will enjoy this summer. And what’s summer without good music? I am totally loving these bands right now, plus the new Bon Iver (not on this list though) is awesome.

Have a wonderful weekend. xoxo

but it’s no reason to stay inside.

the moon and a meowing cat in heat (no seriously) were a perfect recipe for a midnight walk along industrial bridges and buildings.

and after the walk. i felt better. i mean, how could i not laugh after imagining ninjas coming out to protect these abandoned buildings?

i realized that no matter how much i wished i could stop feeling. how i wished i could change myself to be less of an emotional being.

i couldn’t.
it was pointless.

so we learn to accept things. even if they are beyond our control. and even if we hate them.

and we try, so, so, soooo hard to remember love.

*source*

My eyes are so bleary
I guess I’m young but i feel so weary
I’ve tried to express it
But I think its all a bore
Its at the heart of me,
A very part of me

Speak slowly, I can’t hear you
My mind keeps spinning closer and closer to the rain on the roof,
And the rain in my head, and the things that you said
People take it further ahead
And it just gets so foggy
It’s nowhere in here
And its everywhere else that I don’t wanna be,
But I’m stuck here getting misty over you

I’m alone on a bicycle for two.

*grooveshark*

i feel like alice
falling
i hate that
trying to find comfort in my own words
i hope they will catch me.

fall is here. making me frustrated. making me forgetful. making me wish i could forget.

11:11
11:11
11:11

*

i must remember compassion
and to be kind to myself.

this is an honest moment.
i don’t like it. but i will wake feeling refreshed, renewed, and okay.

i am okay.
i am okay.

this is one of my favorite photos..

**

Last fall I went to Montauk.
The sky was gray and it rained the entire time…

…but I did a lot of painting.

thinking of 11:11…

and healing…

The sea seemed so infinite…

but the actual view was much grander…

I imagined a stampede of unicorns running to shore…
like my favorite childhood movie, The Last Unicorn

**
It did clear up enough to take a walk…
Have I ever told you that I love ditches?

I think there are so many pretty colors…

Sometimes it takes a gray day to notice them..

The beach was filled with ocean treasures!

I decided hang out on this big stick…

Looked at the sea through a different lens..

I was annoyed with all of the cars just leaving their mark…

So I found my own patch of sand…

And decided to leave a little piece of me…

xo

**What! Why would I go to Iowa? To visit a grave??**

“hmm..nope. Just staying here. You?”

I quickly end the conversation and run back to my friends. I kind of want to cry, but realize I can’t. This person doesn’t know – most don’t. I can’t expect everyone to just know…he was just making conversation and it’s just a day, but sometimes holidays can be rough. I do my best to make the most of them, and remember that there isn’t a “formula” for how a holiday is supposed to look, but holidays bring up the fact that you can forget the day-to-day-ness of someone. And remembering the forgotten makes you question who you are.

Are you “you” because you lost them? And would you be the same with them?

These questions and a variation of more will probably be with me for the rest of my life. I’ll always “wonder” about things, but I like who I am. So I have to think that she’d like who I am too, and that I would have gotten here regardless.

My memories are faded, but we learn to hold onto the best parts of a person. My mother used to love flowers. Maybe this is why I’m so drawn to them. Sometimes, I like to think that she’s the moments I stop to smell the flowers and notice beauty.

Here are some moments from last week..

Hope you all had a lovely weekend and a Happy Mother’s Day!

xo

Last year was pretty turbulent and was reflective in my paintings. It’s really interesting to look at the progression from then to now. My good friend, Kristen, also helped me see this transition!

Colors were a bit blurry and everything was a bit muddy.

There was a lot of chaos and little detail.

I just needed a way to get through the muck…

It really was about release..

But lately something has really changed.

Maybe it’s a reflection of my life..
I’m happy and sharing love as much as I can.
It’s all about the details and looking a little closer..
And remembering why I love art in the first place..

I like creating landscapes of color and daydreams.
Little worlds to escape into.

Like this one I did for a friend last year..

and this for my friend’s baby, Georgia Faith.

My art is best when I’m feeling the love!

Books were meant to be touched. The exhibitions will be treated “library-style”, complete with library cards for each visitor who can check books out and view them while in the galleries. There are no frames hanging on a wall. This is a purely tactile experience.

**

My sketchbook is a little different. It is pretty, sweet, ugly, awful, human, pure emotion, and the rawest piece of art I have ever done.

It is 100% complete honest.

I don’t expect anyone to read the whole thing, but if they did, they would see what exactly what I felt in overcoming a broken heart.

Anytime I felt anything; I wrote, sketched, drew, scribbled, tore paper. I used my art to help me get through the worst of it. It honestly helped. I realized this when I wasn’t writing in it every five seconds. I think I took a break on day 14. That was when it started to get better.

I don’t have a copy of the book, but I do have some photos. I planned on scanning the whole book, but never did. I wasn’t even sure that I would send it. But on the last day of the second extension, I sent it. I am a different person than when I wrote the book. I even start the book with that disclaimer. Who knows if anyone will even pick it up?

That said, the schedule of the book’s tour is above.

Cheers to emotion and using art to release!

*source*

reading my blog, i realize that i’ve come a long way.
some stumbling along the way, but it’s alright.

i made it.

and it feels really good.

**