look a little closer blog

My art has taken a turn. This realization has been pretty exciting.

Last year was pretty turbulent and was reflective in my paintings. It’s really interesting to look at the progression from then to now. My good friend, Kristen, also helped me see this transition!

Colors were a bit blurry and everything was a bit muddy.

There was a lot of chaos and little detail.

I just needed a way to get through the muck…

It really was about release..

But lately something has really changed.

Maybe it’s a reflection of my life..
I’m happy and sharing love as much as I can.
It’s all about the details and looking a little closer..
And remembering why I love art in the first place..

I like creating landscapes of color and daydreams.
Little worlds to escape into.

Like this one I did for a friend last year..

and this for my friend’s baby, Georgia Faith.

My art is best when I’m feeling the love!

The sketchbook project tour has begun!

Books were meant to be touched. The exhibitions will be treated “library-style”, complete with library cards for each visitor who can check books out and view them while in the galleries. There are no frames hanging on a wall. This is a purely tactile experience.

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My sketchbook is a little different. It is pretty, sweet, ugly, awful, human, pure emotion, and the rawest piece of art I have ever done.

It is 100% complete honest.

I don’t expect anyone to read the whole thing, but if they did, they would see what exactly what I felt in overcoming a broken heart.

Anytime I felt anything; I wrote, sketched, drew, scribbled, tore paper. I used my art to help me get through the worst of it. It honestly helped. I realized this when I wasn’t writing in it every five seconds. I think I took a break on day 14. That was when it started to get better.

I don’t have a copy of the book, but I do have some photos. I planned on scanning the whole book, but never did. I wasn’t even sure that I would send it. But on the last day of the second extension, I sent it. I am a different person than when I wrote the book. I even start the book with that disclaimer. Who knows if anyone will even pick it up?

That said, the schedule of the book’s tour is above.

Cheers to emotion and using art to release!

Here are some long awaited photos.

okay, i’m breathing

barely

but i’m breathing

in fact, i’m laughing
it can only go up from here
it HAS to
unless i get struck by lightning

the hardest part is over
well, one of them
until it hits me out of nowhere
each time is more intense, but less in length
day 16 has been hard, but i’m moving forward

new friends
new faces
open doors

a safe place
no drama
no lies

i will find a home

writing all of this down
reading it with puffy eyes
shows me that i am doing this

this is hard
i remember too much
give you too much credit
my strength is my own
now i know i can be happy, healthy, and in love
love will find me again

i will be
guarded
protected
strong
loving

until my heart learns to trust

tomorrow will be a better day.

i am laughing at the absurdity of my life

the cat will not be happy about this

okay, so after some endorphins, zen tea, coffee, dried fruit, conversations, gchats, and thoughts to myself, i figured out where i’m at.

yesterday was a rough day, very reactionary, full of reminders, and emotional

today i’m reminded of something else: my honesty to myself

today i read and reread the chapter about a motherless daughter and anxious ambivalent relationships. my last relationship, was in fact, the first relationship that i didn’t want to run from. didn’t want to ditch or make excuses for. i learned a lot from this, and the worst thing i could do is head backwards by surrounding myself with people that i know could never meet my expectations or needs.

i am making myself a new promise. while i’m not putting a dates on anything or making any blanket promises (no use making promises, i may not be able to keep, only leads to dissapointment), i can say that i will do my best to surround myself with actual love. things i love, volunteering, music, singing, art, wine, charades, animals, the ocean, etc.

i can and will let myself meet people, but i will try do to my best to be with people that have to get to know all of me. understand me.

find a heart that’s similiar to mine.

something i won’t want to run from, someone i won’t want to “avoid” and “ditch” all the time–as is my past being a “serial dater.”

love will find me again, but i have to let it. for right now, the love i need to find is in my heart and the people i spend my time with and the things i do.

here i am, moving ahead, still forward. one step at a time.

my promise to myself is…
to do the very best i can to surround myself with love
keep giving my sweet love to good things, deserving things, not people that can clearly see my weak and vulnerable state
stay strong
wear my heart on my sleeve, but not too much, as this can show the weakness and strength
be my free spirited self, and find someone who appreciates ALL OF ME
let the cat decide who she likes

i know my triggers and that my triggers are reactionary. making me want to feel immediate satisfaction. so, now i have a plan. if i’m ever triggered i will write my thoughts or delete the reminders immediately. this way i’m not reading and wondering. i think this will help.

~~~~~~~

up and down
spinning
all around
but it’s okay

lots of emotions
i do forgive you or at least can get to that point
but
i still think you’re an idiot
walking away from something good
most people end relationships because they are bad
not because they are full of love
in any case, it is what it is
so here i am
and i’m making leaps and bounds
today i’m about 1,000 molecules better