“So what are your plans? Do you plan on going back to Iowa?” he asks. We’re in a big group, so I’m not about to blurt out how I actually feel.

**What! Why would I go to Iowa? To visit a grave??**

“hmm..nope. Just staying here. You?”

I quickly end the conversation and run back to my friends. I kind of want to cry, but realize I can’t. This person doesn’t know – most don’t. I can’t expect everyone to just know…he was just making conversation and it’s just a day, but sometimes holidays can be rough. I do my best to make the most of them, and remember that there isn’t a “formula” for how a holiday is supposed to look, but holidays bring up the fact that you can forget the day-to-day-ness of someone. And remembering the forgotten makes you question who you are.

Are you “you” because you lost them? And would you be the same with them?

These questions and a variation of more will probably be with me for the rest of my life. I’ll always “wonder” about things, but I like who I am. So I have to think that she’d like who I am too, and that I would have gotten here regardless.

My memories are faded, but we learn to hold onto the best parts of a person. My mother used to love flowers. Maybe this is why I’m so drawn to them. Sometimes, I like to think that she’s the moments I stop to smell the flowers and notice beauty.

Here are some moments from last week..

Hope you all had a lovely weekend and a Happy Mother’s Day!

xo