The parts filled with self-hatred, the ones that can’t find kindness.

The parts that think no matter what, I’m just not enough. Not creative enough, Not thin enough, not smart enough, not aware enough, not caring enough, not there enough. 

Just not enough.

These parts care far too much about what they, he, she, and you will think.

…

But we all have our parts. They are what make us … well us. They are raw. They are real.

And maybe…just maybe,  it’s better to stand face to face with these parts. To really sit with them, to hold their hand and remind them of kindness and light.

Tell them to grasp something…anything…and just hold on. Just be.

And maybe…just maybe, with enough   s p a c e  that tiny, stronger voice will come back.

It will say, enough to those harsh voices.

and it will be okay.

**

Love,

a stronger you from another moment in time…

a little reminder from the lovely words of sark and something i’ve been trying to live by lately.

i feel like alice
falling
i hate that
trying to find comfort in my own words
i hope they will catch me.

fall is here. making me frustrated. making me forgetful. making me wish i could forget.

11:11
11:11
11:11

*

i must remember compassion
and to be kind to myself.

this is an honest moment.
i don’t like it. but i will wake feeling refreshed, renewed, and okay.

i am okay.
i am okay.

what is green?
the grass is green
money is green
jealousy is green
i don’t like green jelly beans
i like lime green sherbet
green is a pretty color
it’s the center of ROY G BIV
apparently, the heart chakra is also green
is love green?
will i find a green glass love? (this is a thoroughly modern millie reference)

Last Friday I participated in my first art installation piece ~ meaning it was up for about two hours before I took it down, leaving only rose petals behind.

If you were anywhere near Strawberry Fields you probably saw a path of streamers…

If you followed it, you were invited to interact and explore my exhibit which represented what “green” meant to me.

It was a path to all the parts of love…(from my point of view)…

…including the bubbly, sparkly parts…

…and the times when it’s a little more tangled.

The piece really represented “self love”, which I have learned is the most important. If you have this, everything else falls into place.

My art piece was only the beginning. A guided mediation was led by Anthony, which encouraged participants to explore “giving” and “receiving” love through touch.

There was music…

dancing and meditation.

It appeared quite peaceful from this point of view…

**
The event itself was new to me. It was really interesting, but fun. You had to let yourself go a bit, but once you did it was refreshing in a way. A bunch of strangers saying hello with a touch of a hand surrounded by the trees. It really provided a break from the city.

There were many people involved, including dancers, artists, healing artists, musicians, and every day people walking by. It was hosted by TREeplays and the ID project.

Concept and Direction by Kristen Schifferdecker of Red Novae.

Thanks for letting me be part of such an interesting experience, and teaching me to let go a bit.

Last year was pretty turbulent and was reflective in my paintings. It’s really interesting to look at the progression from then to now. My good friend, Kristen, also helped me see this transition!

Colors were a bit blurry and everything was a bit muddy.

There was a lot of chaos and little detail.

I just needed a way to get through the muck…

It really was about release..

But lately something has really changed.

Maybe it’s a reflection of my life..
I’m happy and sharing love as much as I can.
It’s all about the details and looking a little closer..
And remembering why I love art in the first place..

I like creating landscapes of color and daydreams.
Little worlds to escape into.

Like this one I did for a friend last year..

and this for my friend’s baby, Georgia Faith.

My art is best when I’m feeling the love!

Needless to say, it brings up a bit of stress.
Or maybe I just wish we had nicer weather..

Whenever I feel “stressed, annoyed, bla, insert-your-word-here” I find that doing stuff with my fingers helps me relax.

A few weeks ago, one of my colleagues gave me an air pack. It has been sitting on my desk for the perfect moment..ready to be popped.

I am waiting for the perfect moment to pop this, but until then I thought it would be fun to pop some other things.

So I’ve been cutting out shapes of bubble wrap for my popping pleasure and giving them to friends.

Take that gray day!

I’ll pop you away!

Ahh, feeling better already!

Books were meant to be touched. The exhibitions will be treated “library-style”, complete with library cards for each visitor who can check books out and view them while in the galleries. There are no frames hanging on a wall. This is a purely tactile experience.

**

My sketchbook is a little different. It is pretty, sweet, ugly, awful, human, pure emotion, and the rawest piece of art I have ever done.

It is 100% complete honest.

I don’t expect anyone to read the whole thing, but if they did, they would see what exactly what I felt in overcoming a broken heart.

Anytime I felt anything; I wrote, sketched, drew, scribbled, tore paper. I used my art to help me get through the worst of it. It honestly helped. I realized this when I wasn’t writing in it every five seconds. I think I took a break on day 14. That was when it started to get better.

I don’t have a copy of the book, but I do have some photos. I planned on scanning the whole book, but never did. I wasn’t even sure that I would send it. But on the last day of the second extension, I sent it. I am a different person than when I wrote the book. I even start the book with that disclaimer. Who knows if anyone will even pick it up?

That said, the schedule of the book’s tour is above.

Cheers to emotion and using art to release!

it’s been 11 years
today

i’m alright
it’s been 11 years

so hard to believe

be–

–lieve

……..live

life just keeps on going
it doesn’t stop
even when it ends abruptly for others

11 years today

i was planning a balloon release or something
i wanted to mark the occasion
and even more that i understand

i get it now
i’m who i am because of her
i’m who i am because i’ve been alone

i understand my fears
i’ve been able to face them

fall is the hardest for me
it always hits me out of ..  … …

nowhere

but this fall, i’m alright
despite all the change

some moments are reeling, turbulent..
some moments are vivid, full of beauty…

i’ve found

the

middle

1
am

a1:r1gh1

***

even today
11:11

11:11
make a wish

No one to talk to
A shoulder to rest my head upon
My love, you have become an unwanted stranger

Saw you called
Didn’t mean to answer
I’ve done such a good job screening
Sorry to hang up
Didn’t mean to be rude

Took a minute to register the number
But my brain remembered
And my body went cold
It was such a visceral experience
I started shaking
I almost cried

But I didn’t

I held my head up
And decided I didn’t want any sweat shop clothes
I walked home
Took steps on familiar streets
But without you
This past life
no longer mine
I laugh at moments
“Mo money mo problems”
Those new york tourist traps
I’ll continue to explore

I miss you

It hurts
But I’m okay

I’m sure I will be triggered

This will be a challenge
But I am ready to leap