waiting for words...

i had a thought.i have many. i often think too much.but this thought. is perhaps, an explanationyou see. i am a words person. i often overlook actions. awaiting words.growing up my mom used to shower me with words of affection- tied nicely in strings of threes ~i love you (almost all of the time) i miss you (after a day of school) you are wonderful her ailing body didn't leave much room for actions i could only offer help with IVs of lipids run around hospitalsthe action i remember most is her death.poof.just like that.people die. they leave us. things change. i am equally terrified as i am excited about change... for i know it can bring many wonderful things.but however many years later, i've managed to become so afraid of loss. it's still in my bones. makes me feel. lonely.and sometimes i dismiss the lovely actions people show me now. instead, waiting for words...but actions do speak louder....so maybe this thought. this oh-so-uncomfortable-thought for i hate thinking of death. and that loss. this realization.this... space.will help things make sense.**if only i had the open roads of iowa to drive on to clear my mind.