on change

I was driving back from a wedding in Connecticut yesterday. I took a wrong turn and ended up taking a long way home through windy roads of Connecticut and Massachusetts and finally landed in New York again. It was a beautiful drive. I noticed the reds and yellows of the leaves and it hit me that fall is nearly here. Of course, time has been hurtling forward all along, but it took the bright leaves to notice the change.

There have been so many changes in the past year.

I've spent a lot of time in the motions of these changes. Traveling, packing, moving, leaving my friends, making new friends, walking new streets, working with bouts of loneliness, playing more instruments, climbing new mountains, learning new sounds and patterns... painting, so many things.

I've been spending more time journaling, long-hand. In a way, I think this reflection time is when I take the time to "sit" with all of this change.

A few weeks ago, I was visiting some friends in NYC. The G train doors closed and I heard someone say, "Kim!" really loudly. I looked across from me and I instantly recognized the face. It was the bright face of one of the students that I mentored a few years ago. He recognized me and told me that he remembered our activities, that he was applying for colleges, that his sister was 12 now and that she was 4 when I met her. We were loud, everyone was looking but there was a genuine feeling of joy for all of the passengers. They didn't seem to mind that our conversation carried on across from each other. He told me that the edible color wheel was his favorite project and I laughed and said it was a terrible idea. "Too much frosting and sugar...", but he said it was fun and was glad to run into me; he remembered my "big smile".

After wards, I cried (I'm tearing up now re-remembering this) and laughed and my heart was full. To be honest, I nearly forgotten that time in my life - the weekends of rushing to take cabs to the community center in Astoria (I was always late) and the walks and meeting friends after; I'd always reflect on my projects and tell stories about how the kids like this or hated that.

Here I am, so many years and a different city later. I still do music and art with kids, but it's not quite the same and I'm not sure it every would be, but it was a good reminder to keep doing it. Running into him also reminded me that I like reflecting in this space too.

So much has happened since my last writing of the Christmas video and maybe I'll share it, but maybe I won't.

It is all okay, everything is okay.

Change happens fast and slow at the same time and like most things, it's full of multiple, opposing feelings.