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Fort building, star gazing, life loving and the first time Brendan met the family of one of my best college girlfriend's, Mary ... my how we've grown. ❤
Full set.
And in video form....
Music by my talented sweetheart.
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On a rare, warm, not-"February-gray" day, we went to the beach with these two love birds.
Nicole is one of my best friends ever. We met at an art project that I was team leading. She was nice and sweet, so naturally I asked her if she wanted to be friends. I remember volunteering together and getting brunch afterwards. Conversation flowed easily and we were like lightning bouncing ideas and moments off one another. We were both in similar situations of "figuring it out".
Through the years we've been there for each other and have grown so, so much.The memory of talking about real love and if we'd ever find it is still so clear in my mind. We went rollerblading in Central Park and our buns were burning as we climbed that north hill. "When it happens, it will happen like lightning. It will be quick, furious, frightening and wonderful," I told her, in between short breaths. Flying down the hill was always the best part.
A few weeks later, that very thing had happened. It may have taken her a moment to realize it, because one must be cautious when sharing the heart. But the moment I saw them together, I knew he was the perfect match. Both are tiny, with dynamic souls that stretch above and beyond and across time and space. Their love is the kind that shines like the sun. In the same way, you know rays will warm you, I know these two will always find each other. Because they are just meant to be. ❤
p.s. I cannot wait to see your fairy-tale wedding this fall!
I've always been afraid of change. It makes me nervous and I sometimes (okay, often!) find myself looping, worried about changes to come.
But in looking back at these moments, I'm grateful for change and the ability to shift and grow. It makes me know that I'll be okay, with whatever changes *do* come my way.Change does not always equal loss. In fact, sometimes, it can bring a whole lot of love. And even in those more difficult times, there's something about knowing that change is the only constant.
Because sometimes you'll find yourself, months later, OUT of a blue period, barely remembering that you didn't think you'd survive. But you did, and you will, again and again and again.
//
This video is a collection of moments from the past two years. Please forgive some of my poor iphone orientation shooting!
❤
Music by:
"Past in Present" by Fiest
"Plasticities" by Andrew Bird
"Mother & Father" by Broods
"Holocene" by Bon Iver
The past year or so has been an absolute whirlwind. I haven't spent that much time writing about it partly because it felt like a dream and also because of my ongoing, internal debate on sharing and the digital space.
But I actually like to pause and reflect on things. It allows me to really remember my gratitude for the moment -- even if the moment has passed.
Sometimes I need that pause because there are times I get worked up about the future, somehow feeling like I need to plan my next move or the next "big thing". My "planning-mind" has always been a weird place for me to escape to, but I've been trying to challenge it.
Because the truth is, the past year was full of "big things". I quit my full-time job and started working part-time to allow myself more time for art. I used to daydream about time and how I'd spend it, but when actually given some extra hours it was much harder than I thought. So I worked too hard, too long, barely did any art and found myself in a slight creative block (which I'm finally coming out of).
I am one that (unfortunately) learns lessons in difficult ways. It can take me several loops before I see the right path, even if it's flashing neon pink. It likely took me losing balance, to realize I needed to find a balance, all with an underlying lesson of remembering to be kind to myself.
Sometimes it seems like there's a dance of life -- a balancing act of living in the present, reflecting on the past, and planning for the future. Staying too long in one area can upset another.In a recent conversation with a friend, I had an epiphany that I need to "decorate the house". I realized that I've been looking so far ahead that I haven't really settled into all the (amazing!) things happening now (like the fact that I married the love of my life!!).
It's like when you move into an apartment and you don't fully decorate because you know (think) you'll be moving soon... it's temporary.But I actually think it's important to decorate. To make it your own.So here's to decorating the house -- the house of my life. The current space full of change and finding balance, which is often still scary and unknown, but also oh-so-good.
Here are some old moments from the past year that are worth remembering.
A beautiful hike last September.
Thanksgiving in Iowa and very memorable sunrise-sledding.
Christmas in Marco.
Ringing in 2015.
Snow days forever--this past winter really did drag on.
But then spring finally came! ... and I got married (another post on this to follow).
Friend time with new friends, old friends, and now newly-connected friends.
Life has been crazy-busy and filled with so. many. changes.
I'm "behind" in photos, projects, and a zillion other ideas that I want to do. I quote "behind" because I don't think there are any real rules to sharing moments (at this rate I will be posting sunrise sledding and snow photos in the dead of summer).
I suppose that's what happens when you plan a wedding in two months (and no, we are not expecting and I do not need a greencard, thank you very much). There are times when I find myself in the "fear-space" of all this change, but over the years I have become much better at recognizing when it happens. This awareness allows me to pull myself out of it sooner and re-enter the present moment, which lately has been filled with lots of color.
While the to-do list is crazy, I decided to take a tiny break and share some snaps from a recent weekend in Nashville.
pictured: finding Springtime in Nashville | cornhole | when my Iowa gals surprised me and told me that I was going to be a fairy for the evening -- they even gave me glitter!!! | playing the "bachelorette question game" that my love and I totally dominated at (we hardly missed any questions! this was one of my favorite surprises because I loved re-living the moments and hearing things from Brendan's point of view) | Nashville's Parthenon
not pictured: when I almost blew the surprise by saying that we needed a hashtag for the weekend (because our previous friend trips have always had one, so I had no idea why everyone was acting so strange when I suggested the idea, but then they revealed that they already had one for the "special" weekend! although we all decided that #nashpatateo was even better because we were nashville-bound and some friends keep likening my (soon-to-be!!) last name to a "potato" | four "hangry" girls in a car and how well KP handled us | KP's hospitality and funny comments, especially the one that said we were like a "four-headed llama, plinko machine" with all of our amazing thoughts racing and bouncing off one another...
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It was a lovely weekend. Thank you all so much. I really love you girls and I'm so happy to be part of your wolf pack ~ the Iowa friendship bracelets sealed the deal.
full set
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I was working on something else when Brendan said the sky was a pretty color. Little did he know (or perhaps he did; since he knows me so well), that this small comment would turn into one of those "keepers" moments. As soon as I saw the moon I grabbed my camera and his hand and we ran (carefully) to the roof to catch the last bits. I don't remember what we talked about, but I know we laughed. This happened sometime in September or October - I have no idea - time has just been going . so . quickly.
Lately, we've been walking the bridge. The first night was magical. I remember the shakiness of the bridge and the warmth of our two hands squeezed in one pocket. It was foggy that evening and there was a full moon. The sky was nearly the same color as the bridge making it seem like we were walking towards a looming monster. Halfway on the bridge, I stopped and gave Brendan a giant bear hug - the kind where you almost knock someone over. I explained that my hug was "squeezing that moment into my memory"; meaning it was something I never wanted to forget.
The thing is, I might.
Because these new experiences and these magical moments continue in a way where they become routine. I do not mean this in a negative way, but I'm really feeling into the fact that change is the only constant -- and that it doesn't always equal loss.
**pictured: That sunset | an awesome dance party with two of my favorite people that ended with sparklers! | morning rays | a boat-ride upstate to Oktoberfest where the food was, unfortunately, unforgettably horrible. | friends, friends, friends.
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Nature is one of my favorite reminders of the beauty of this life. Thanks friends, for making this such a magical trip and to Kevin for sharing his "Dilruba".
Not pictured: Driving the "church van" through the parking lot - which was pretty much the same height and terrifying | Sparkle interviews *:･ﾟ | Holding hands in the kitchen and passing energy balls (meaning a squeeze from one hand to the next and seeing if it could make it's way around the circle - it did!) | The hot tub dance party and pretty much making our own night time music video to Taylor Swift's Shake It Off - even (some) of the boys got into it! | Wondering when the solo leaf at the very tippy top of the tree outside the house would fall off and creating stories around falling leaves | Windham's Pumpkin Festival and the massive amounts of chicken and pumpkin treats that were eaten.
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This was an amazing follow up to our last friend's outing, except this time we added some people which meant more fun, getting a larger house and larger vehicles. I drove the "church van" and Brandon drove the "dad van". The fall foliage was at it's peak and we had many moments.
**
It was a lovely summer. Full of friends, celebrations of love, kitty snuggles, kisses, mountain adventures, midnight trains to Montauk, beach days, sparklers (!), and so much more.
Per the usual, I noticed the shifting season at the end of July, but I wasn't as overcome as I usually am with the worry and fear of the fall. I've been painting a bunch and have a whole new series that I can't wait to share. Some of the paintings have been in progress for several months and even still - they aren't quite finished. I was deep into painting tiny little dots with a number 2 long liner, when I had a revelation: Tiny Brush Meditation.
What was (is) missing from many of these are the tiniest of details. When pausing to ask myself if I'd rather have the painting "finished", I reminded myself that I enjoy the process of painting. I love creating, mixing colors, and making little moments. Sometimes I pretend that the little details of white are tiny spirits coming to life.In many ways, this can be translated to my day-to-day life. While I have a grand vision for what I want to be doing and how much I'd like to hold onto moments of happiness and keep them in pretty, little boxes; I know I can't. That there are lots of moments and changes to come. That I can only have some idea of what's in store, but the only thing I can really control is myself. Not to mention, the actual living part of life can be rather enjoyable. When you let it.
*
**Exploring an abandoned apartment building/hotel (?) somewhere in Pennsylvania (post Poconos trip).
Not pictured: The absolute eeriness of the place.
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Ten awesome friends, two days, lots of sparklers, SO much laughter (too many inside jokes to even write), FIREWORKS, The Delaware Water gap (what a shitty swimming hole! at least the part we paid $10 for was), exploring an abandoned building (picks TK!), late night conversations with a giant super moon ... these are the days of summer and they are glorious.I can't wait for our next friend trip!
full set | #poconoswhatyoudidthissummer
Not pictured: Just how much I love sparklers and the maniacal laugh that came out of me when I lit all of them on fire. Hayden almost captured it. | Getting stung by some sort of insect while sharing the story of the early days of my new love. |Texts between "car 1" and "car 2" | sparkle* | the "sorting" game that I was convinced we were playing where people had to put their empty drink container in a corner | Our midnight bakery which started with cheddar biscuits and ended with multiple combinations of bread and cheese (this was not a healthy weekend and we didn't mind one bit.) | The lovely moments I had with all of my special friends. So far, my 30's are fabulous.
p.s. thanks to car 1 for the awesome hashtags.
**
Fireworks, friends, singing, waking up early to watch the sunrise and enjoying long sunsets. What a perfect weekend. Although, it was a little strange to find the random person sleeping on our roof at 5:00 am.
Not pictured: Getting to ride on the back of a motorcycle! Our family is too big for one little car! | The funny cards on the Evil Apples game (it's just like Cards Against Humanity, but in an app-version. You just need a good wi-fi connection!) | Our amazing rendition of Cell Block Tango | Just how much my heart sparkles for my handsome, dreamy man - the fireworks got nothing on my love sparkles. *✧*
**
I often talk about my garden of friends. How each relationship in my life is like a flower, which I try and nurture and grow. Over the past few months, my garden has really grown and it is absolutely beautiful. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I am so very thankful. ❤
pictured: delicious breakfasts and typical morning moments | 10 in 10 | the view after a glorious hammock nap | the pups | fireflies (all of the tiny green dots) | poolside reading | caesar loved the water, but it was slightly terrifying swimming with him - he also had a particularly affinity for one | final selfies at squirrel run!not pictured: how freaking delicious the food was | leading a morning yoga sequence and making us shoot love-sparkle wishes in warrior two | the silliness of having three happy pups in a house | game night with the funniest descriptions of taboo i have ever heard | just HOW beautiful the fireflies were, it looked like the trees were filled with twinkling christmas lights | the million times caesar jumped in the pool and how terribly he smelled after | watching back to the future and many world cup games.
**I think most people would agree that this past winter was long and a bit dreadful. While I enjoyed the pretty snow, I was ready for warmer months and bits of color instead of the grayscale mornings. After a period of blue, a friend cheered me up by reminding me that the harsh winter was going to bring a bright spring and summer. That the earth would be fertile, retaining the water from its melted snow. She was right. June in Iowa was particularly bright; ditches filled with flowers and emerald green everywhere. **pictured: trails from the Maquoketa Caves, late nights playing with sparklers, morning light from the trees in my childhood home, ditch flowers, and the open roads of Iowa. not pictured: the great conversations had on those trails (this girl is fabulous), pretending I was a wizard (I am just NOW reading the Harry Potter series [10+ years late - I know] and I freaking LOVE them - that is all!), the many looks of confused drivers passing by while I hung out in the ditch crouching down to take photos, face-timing on the side of the road to share a beautiful sunset and just how badly I wanted to reach through the phone for a kiss, and the nice man that gave me permission to enter the bean field so I could get a better shot of the reminders of love. Iowa, you will always have a bit of my ♥.
**
This weekend was eventful. I spent most of the summer solstice traveling back from Iowa (pics TK), but Sunday was an adventure. We had a delicious brunch and went to the Eagle Street Rooftop Farm. Nicole and I were able to identify most of the vegetation, which made us feel really smart (though, she knows much more than I do!). As we were leaving the staff asked if we knew anyone with a backyard and showed us a chicken - apparently this chicken ran away from a slaughterhouse! I offered to help by taking the chicken to the Composting Learning Center at Earth Matter.
I've been working with Earth Matter for the past few months. After building their website, I couldn't help but stay on to help with volunteer coordination and social media. It's been a great experience and I truly LOVE hanging out on Governors Island.Come visit us and hang out with Eagle!
**Also pictured, growing the garden of friends and bonding over "Goya" products while watching the World Cup - yet another sport I am clueless about.
**
There’s a thing about listening to yourself – the deep-to-the-core kind of listening that helps you follow your heart. You realize that you’re a lot stronger and smarter than you ever gave yourself credit for. That the answers you were looking for, were always with you.
Over a year ago I told myself that I needed three months – a brief period of time to wear the “sorting hat” – to figure out things out.In the colder months, I finally took that time.
This wasn’t always easy and there were moments of blue. Honest and difficult conversations were had with myself. I learned to appreciate the nicety in feeling attractive, but learned to hold my eager heart.Love is a wonderful feeling, but finding the person that moves your core is different - it shakes your soul.
My heart stopped the day I saw a tall, dark-haired boy with amazing curls and it started skipping when I saw him walking towards me. My crush was obvious to our mutual friends and, eventually, I worked up the courage to share it with him. There were a bunch of firsts and just like that it started to fall into place.
I am beyond grateful – for my friends, the sunshine, and my curiosity and imagination for this life. My heart smiles knowing that I’ve found my true sparkle partner.
It just took me finding myself first.♥
... talented friends doing brilliant things at improv... jumbo jenga! watching something like a magic trick - my ♥ pulled one of the blocks from the center so quick and it didn't fall.... looking up all of the classic 90's boys bands on our phone and belting them out in a cab with lots of little kisses in between.... the glorious golden sunsets of June (and almost making it in time to see the manhattenhenge!)... hanging out at the Governors Ball. We likened this to "hanging in sparkle bubble" because we made lots of new friends and danced. so. much. also, i might have sprinkled actual glitter on people.... new sunglasses that make everything look like sparkles. "there's rose colored glasses and then there's sparkle glasses...."... walking back from Randall's Island over the Triborough / RFK Bridge and staring at the skyline. I've decided the Manhattan skyline is really just a bunch of pens writing in the sky. This WILL be a painting.... dancing around an empty Tompkins Square Park after midnight and creating a "play". To do this, one person must sit on the bench while wearing the sparkle glasses and the other person must take a glow stick and dance.... late night painting where we imagined hanging out in a forest with a stream of stars, tents in trees, and pillows everywhere.... finding my perfect sparkle partner who brings out my imagination even more than i dreamed possible. yay!**
// life lately has been oh-so-good. not pictured: our enthusiasm for the awesome conor oberst show | tasting lots of salts, bitters, and chocolates at the meadow (go, it's so whimsical!) | adventure sundays where magic is found in mountains and by the sea | the little man in the tent at 4:00 am on the montauk beach |screaming while riding down giant hills headed towards the montauk lighthouse | the nice couple that took our photos since our phones were dead and being inspired stealing their idea of creating "adventure tattoos" | the little nap that was desperately needed before the phone fell on hayden's head and the little laughs we had after when he asked to me hang out on the ground with him. (p.s. he was not hurt!)♥♥♥♥