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Some snaps from a beautiful weekend upstate with the *parent sparkles*.
It was really special to show them some of our favorite spots, including Lake Minnewaska, Sam's Point, and the Bonticou Crag.
Life has been crazy-busy and filled with so. many. changes.
I'm "behind" in photos, projects, and a zillion other ideas that I want to do. I quote "behind" because I don't think there are any real rules to sharing moments (at this rate I will be posting sunrise sledding and snow photos in the dead of summer).
I suppose that's what happens when you plan a wedding in two months (and no, we are not expecting and I do not need a greencard, thank you very much). There are times when I find myself in the "fear-space" of all this change, but over the years I have become much better at recognizing when it happens. This awareness allows me to pull myself out of it sooner and re-enter the present moment, which lately has been filled with lots of color.
While the to-do list is crazy, I decided to take a tiny break and share some snaps from a recent weekend in Nashville.
pictured: finding Springtime in Nashville | cornhole | when my Iowa gals surprised me and told me that I was going to be a fairy for the evening -- they even gave me glitter!!! | playing the "bachelorette question game" that my love and I totally dominated at (we hardly missed any questions! this was one of my favorite surprises because I loved re-living the moments and hearing things from Brendan's point of view) | Nashville's Parthenon
not pictured: when I almost blew the surprise by saying that we needed a hashtag for the weekend (because our previous friend trips have always had one, so I had no idea why everyone was acting so strange when I suggested the idea, but then they revealed that they already had one for the "special" weekend! although we all decided that #nashpatateo was even better because we were nashville-bound and some friends keep likening my (soon-to-be!!) last name to a "potato" | four "hangry" girls in a car and how well KP handled us | KP's hospitality and funny comments, especially the one that said we were like a "four-headed llama, plinko machine" with all of our amazing thoughts racing and bouncing off one another...
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It was a lovely weekend. Thank you all so much. I really love you girls and I'm so happy to be part of your wolf pack ~ the Iowa friendship bracelets sealed the deal.
full set
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I admittedly spend way too much time wondering what people will think. Starting and re-starting sentences because I'm worried that they will come off "too" something. What makes up this "too" can change at any given time, for a multitude of reasons.And then there's the point of why?
You see, I have a love/hate relationship with technology, social media and the likes of it. I appreciate this digital space and that my thoughts live in a "cloud" and don't clutter up my actual living space. But if I'm honest, it can take an effort to keep the intentions pure.
For me, that means maintaining a space for self-reflection and memories because I like taking photos, looking back at random posts and remembering how I felt.
I took a break from writing for awhile to be more present, but I realized that these things can live in tandem--one can be mindfully present, while being a person that likes taking photos and writing mini-reflections.Sometimes those writings help us frame the memory.
When I listen to my best self I'm reminded that I shouldn't care what anyone will think if I share yet another flower photo or write about my super-sappy feelings on love.Looking at this seemingly simple behavior (to blog or not), helps me reflect on subtle ways of "either/or" thinking and, once again, reminds me to find center.
With that, here are some snaps from a near-Christmastime trip to Charleston.
not pictured: sneaking into corners around the city while drinking a full bottle of white wine given to us by our lovely Airbnb host, how friendly and HUGE that fluffy cat was, seeing thousands of washed up starfish on the shore and trying to save them only to find out later it might not have helped and how sad that made me, eating the most delicious food ever at Husk...omg the bread and butter. yum.
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Nature is one of my favorite reminders of the beauty of this life. Thanks friends, for making this such a magical trip and to Kevin for sharing his "Dilruba".
Not pictured: Driving the "church van" through the parking lot - which was pretty much the same height and terrifying | Sparkle interviews *:･ﾟ | Holding hands in the kitchen and passing energy balls (meaning a squeeze from one hand to the next and seeing if it could make it's way around the circle - it did!) | The hot tub dance party and pretty much making our own night time music video to Taylor Swift's Shake It Off - even (some) of the boys got into it! | Wondering when the solo leaf at the very tippy top of the tree outside the house would fall off and creating stories around falling leaves | Windham's Pumpkin Festival and the massive amounts of chicken and pumpkin treats that were eaten.
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This was an amazing follow up to our last friend's outing, except this time we added some people which meant more fun, getting a larger house and larger vehicles. I drove the "church van" and Brandon drove the "dad van". The fall foliage was at it's peak and we had many moments.
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Ten awesome friends, two days, lots of sparklers, SO much laughter (too many inside jokes to even write), FIREWORKS, The Delaware Water gap (what a shitty swimming hole! at least the part we paid $10 for was), exploring an abandoned building (picks TK!), late night conversations with a giant super moon ... these are the days of summer and they are glorious.I can't wait for our next friend trip!
full set | #poconoswhatyoudidthissummer
Not pictured: Just how much I love sparklers and the maniacal laugh that came out of me when I lit all of them on fire. Hayden almost captured it. | Getting stung by some sort of insect while sharing the story of the early days of my new love. |Texts between "car 1" and "car 2" | sparkle* | the "sorting" game that I was convinced we were playing where people had to put their empty drink container in a corner | Our midnight bakery which started with cheddar biscuits and ended with multiple combinations of bread and cheese (this was not a healthy weekend and we didn't mind one bit.) | The lovely moments I had with all of my special friends. So far, my 30's are fabulous.
p.s. thanks to car 1 for the awesome hashtags.
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Fireworks, friends, singing, waking up early to watch the sunrise and enjoying long sunsets. What a perfect weekend. Although, it was a little strange to find the random person sleeping on our roof at 5:00 am.
Not pictured: Getting to ride on the back of a motorcycle! Our family is too big for one little car! | The funny cards on the Evil Apples game (it's just like Cards Against Humanity, but in an app-version. You just need a good wi-fi connection!) | Our amazing rendition of Cell Block Tango | Just how much my heart sparkles for my handsome, dreamy man - the fireworks got nothing on my love sparkles. *✧*
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There’s a thing about listening to yourself – the deep-to-the-core kind of listening that helps you follow your heart. You realize that you’re a lot stronger and smarter than you ever gave yourself credit for. That the answers you were looking for, were always with you.
Over a year ago I told myself that I needed three months – a brief period of time to wear the “sorting hat” – to figure out things out.In the colder months, I finally took that time.
This wasn’t always easy and there were moments of blue. Honest and difficult conversations were had with myself. I learned to appreciate the nicety in feeling attractive, but learned to hold my eager heart.Love is a wonderful feeling, but finding the person that moves your core is different - it shakes your soul.
My heart stopped the day I saw a tall, dark-haired boy with amazing curls and it started skipping when I saw him walking towards me. My crush was obvious to our mutual friends and, eventually, I worked up the courage to share it with him. There were a bunch of firsts and just like that it started to fall into place.
I am beyond grateful – for my friends, the sunshine, and my curiosity and imagination for this life. My heart smiles knowing that I’ve found my true sparkle partner.
It just took me finding myself first.♥
... talented friends doing brilliant things at improv... jumbo jenga! watching something like a magic trick - my ♥ pulled one of the blocks from the center so quick and it didn't fall.... looking up all of the classic 90's boys bands on our phone and belting them out in a cab with lots of little kisses in between.... the glorious golden sunsets of June (and almost making it in time to see the manhattenhenge!)... hanging out at the Governors Ball. We likened this to "hanging in sparkle bubble" because we made lots of new friends and danced. so. much. also, i might have sprinkled actual glitter on people.... new sunglasses that make everything look like sparkles. "there's rose colored glasses and then there's sparkle glasses...."... walking back from Randall's Island over the Triborough / RFK Bridge and staring at the skyline. I've decided the Manhattan skyline is really just a bunch of pens writing in the sky. This WILL be a painting.... dancing around an empty Tompkins Square Park after midnight and creating a "play". To do this, one person must sit on the bench while wearing the sparkle glasses and the other person must take a glow stick and dance.... late night painting where we imagined hanging out in a forest with a stream of stars, tents in trees, and pillows everywhere.... finding my perfect sparkle partner who brings out my imagination even more than i dreamed possible. yay!**
// life lately has been oh-so-good. not pictured: our enthusiasm for the awesome conor oberst show | tasting lots of salts, bitters, and chocolates at the meadow (go, it's so whimsical!) | adventure sundays where magic is found in mountains and by the sea | the little man in the tent at 4:00 am on the montauk beach |screaming while riding down giant hills headed towards the montauk lighthouse | the nice couple that took our photos since our phones were dead and being inspired stealing their idea of creating "adventure tattoos" | the little nap that was desperately needed before the phone fell on hayden's head and the little laughs we had after when he asked to me hang out on the ground with him. (p.s. he was not hurt!)♥♥♥♥
//It has been so much fun having Bethy live in New York. We've been friends since the days of doing college radio and music theory classes, but I think our friendship has truly blossomed since she's been living here. I am so lucky to have such amazing, wonderful friends. We had one of those perfect lazy days. We started in Coney Island and wandered around and enjoyed Prospect Park and had dinner at Flatbush Farm (where they have THE BEST butter in the world). If you ever go there, be sure to ask for the bar menu, since it's a little cheaper. Photos from PP to come soon. Not pictured: The gigantic screw that fell/flew on Beth while we were eating hotdogs and fries. The person at the table next to us asked if it came in our food and we had to explain that it fell from the sky! I hope some angsty teenager threw it, but it's quite possible it fell from a ride! Yikes! Also not pictured is our screaming on the inside track of the Wonder Wheel. For those unfamiliar, the Wonder Wheel has two tracks; an outside that's stationary and an inside one that moves. I thought I filmed it, but apparently, I had my lens cap on the whole time. Oopsies!
Have you ever played this game? Visual telephone. You start with a quote, idiom, phrase, or anything. Then the next person has to draw it. Then the next person guesses what was drawn. The next person draws it. It keeps going and then you review what was originally said and how it got lost. I highly recommend it. I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard. P.S. It's not something you buy. As my friends pointed out, I was all, "OMG, where did you get this!?" All you need are friends, imagination, and blank sheets of paper. That said, the perfectly cut flashcards made for nice uniformity. P.P.S. Don't think like a hamster in a wheel. **
He wins at karaoke. He was singing the theme song of Full House. I love this photo, we all look particularly crazy, but it was fun.
i love birthdays. i also love throwing parties and sending colorful emails to friends! my birthday weekend was wonderful. there was lots of sparkles!, singing, dancing, laughing, and mischief-making. i might be 30, but the truth is, i am perpetually going on 7.
**pictured: lots of blurry, light-leak, crazy looking photos from a night of karaoke. not pictured: making "kindness cards" with the kids in volunteering. the idea was to write something nice about everyone attending. one of my volunteers received the best card ever—it read, "i notice your moustache." ♥ ice cream with the girls from mentoring (who were particularly nice after making their own "kindness cards") ♥ getting my hair did by two of my fabulous friends—one was curling my hair, the other was adding glitter sparkle strands(!!)—at some point we started talking about relationships and julian (in his julian-way) pointed out that "it had become a hair salon." ♥ singing in my apartment before our AMUSICALFLASHMOB! (video of the not-flash-mob-but-still-fun-performance to come...) ♥ watching all of my friends be creative and draw what kind of flower they represent in my garden (photos of the final piece to come...) ♥ losing the glitter sparkle strands all over the city ♥ plastering glitter butterflies and star tattoos on ourselves during dinner (for the record, the stars were way better) ♥ the final whisky shot that had me sleeping until 1:45 pm on sunday...i woke up to hayden asking, "doesn't your next party start in 15 minutes?" thankfully it was an "open house" and everyone showed up late. ♥ all of the beautiful people that came to the open house and watching new friendships bloom ♥ the microwave cake from hayden on my actual birthday (around 12:30 am) that was pink and blue because we were watching frozen ♥ taking the day off to go to a yoga class (which was full of inversions) and painting dreamy little worlds to play in. ♥
*thank you to all of my amazing friends for making this birthday super special*
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Change doesn't always happen overnight, it happens in small little circles and a shit ton of "back and forths". We have to remember patience and allow enough s p a c e to look honestly at patterns and then figure out what to do with them - if anything. I believe growth comes from recognizing patterns and finding ways to talk about them. Making sure the words coming out of someone's mouth are actually translated properly in the mind. For they are too easily distorted.
Lately, I've found it too difficult to actually BE with myself and whatever's coming up. I've felt disconnected from my body, as if I'm watching the experiences as a shadow. That's not to say I'm not enjoying things because I have had a freaking blast at this month's events (apparently, November was the month for all of my friends to throw parties), but there has been some blue lurking around. Actually, it's more of dull gray. I haven't painted in a few months and can't seem to find it in me to try. I'm too afraid that the paintings will look the same as others I've done, too many swirls and glitter. The inner voice reminding me to just paint is hard to find, it's too lost in a tangle of a bunch of crap.
It's always good to escape the city. To get away from the clusters of crowds, the hurried motion, and immerse yourself into a place where you feel a little more steadied. To feel inspired. I felt better the moment I got off the train in Coldspring. And the woods were filled with little bits of magic everywhere. Tree houses for fairies, a blanket of fallen leaves, and everything was golden. As the sun set, it burned so brightly on along another mountain. It looked electric. I've always felt held in these mountains, protected in a way.
Looking at the photos I am still inspired. When the time is right, I hope to try and capture some of the magic on canvas. Until then, here are my blurry photos (it was quite chilly!).
Girlfriends, sunshine, and a carnival from the 1920's.What more could a girl ask for on a Sunday afternoon?This little video (from one of my favorite blogs ever) captures Fête Paradiso even more perfectly. full set* "Merry" time is said very tongue-and-cheek because for whatever reason, THAT is what I kept calling the maritime building (shown in first and last photos).
There's something about the shift from summer to fall that just gets me, and not necessarily in a good way. The truth is, it starts very early. The shift begins at the end of July - when the sky is the haziest and the leaves are somewhere between slightly-wilted and getting ready to crisp for the fall. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things I love about the season; cider and layers and falling leaves and cooler nights. Although, let's be honest ... the best parts of Fall are far too brief in New York. Not enough bright yellow leaves and crisp blue days.
I've gotten much better at identifying the moments that are a little harder for me. The ones that I work really hard to rush through, but feel painfully slow. I've found that in "being" with whatever-comes-up, I'm able to move through it - just a bit faster.
It's easiest for me to get to the other side by noticing the beauty that is everywhere. In the small details of a moment. In the ability to remember and to look forward.It's especially easy when you're away from the city and the Berkshires are perfect for this.
*not pictured* - rushing out of the city, leaving much later than planned, and arriving even later than originally expected - due to lack of cell service, we ended up creeping around houses; looking into windows and everything trying to figure out which one was our destination. it didn't help that there were two houses with the same address, but we decided it was highly unlikely that someone would rent a house with a gaping hole on the front porch. thankfully, we found the house. | kayaking on a big pond and going through the marsh, into the tiny stream of lily pads and wild orchids | having a nice conversation with locals on the water | finding lots of treasures in the woods, including exploding touch-me-nots and toads! | the amazing cookies at the gypsy joynt, the birthday cake cookie was the. best. (if you're ever in great barrington, go. also try this)
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The Jazz Age Lawn party is great fun.If you are ever coming to New York, plan your visit around a weekend when this occurs. You will not regret it.
It starts with a pretty ferry ride and takes you back in time to the prohibition era. The Great Lawn is filled with colorful dresses and the trees are green, green, green (even on a gray day!) and ladies' lips are red, red, red.
The St. Germain cocktails are divine, but drink them before you start lindy-hopping because that floor is only for dancing.
Make sure to go with amazing friends with heart-shaped lips and even bigger laughs.
Not pictured: Chasing Bill Cunningham on the dance floor to tell him just how awesome I thought he was; only for him to tell me (without looking away from his lens once) to "just get good pictures! just get good pictures!" And like that he flitted away. It wasn't until afterwards that my friends pointed out that in his documentary, he mentioned that he did not like to be bothered at such events! Faux pas fail!
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p.s. it is TOTALLY worth it to get the VIP packages. The "bees knees" one was a great deal.
A couple of weeks ago, I took another midnight train to Montauk with a couple of gals who also decided to brave the weather. Admittedly, part of me wondered if we were crazy considering the forecast had storm clouds and lightening bolts for the entire day, but we were ready for an adventure come hell or high water; in our case I guess we meant this literally. But my little request to mother nature must have been heard (thank you!) because it did not rain from 4:00-7:00 am. It's during this time that the world begins to stir, but not enough to find a place of shelter.
When you take a midnight train (actually, 12:38-ish am) you arrive at "the end" (seriously, it's a stump) around 4:00 am. From there it's a nice, long walk to the beach. We ignored about 5-6 cabs honking and asking, "are you sure you don't need a ride - you don't even have to pay." We politely declined and explained that we were there to watch the sunrise. Normally, they'd just drive away, but considering the dense. gray. fog almost all of the cabbies surveyed the sky, our backpacks, shook their heads and drove away. It was a little crazy to arrive at the cold, dark beach at 4:45-ish am. The fog was so dense we could hardly see a thing, but the swelling sounds of crashing waves informed us how close the water was.
We did not see a sunrise, per-say, but we did see the light tilt and shift it's way from the darkest black, to purplish-orange, to a gray-blue, and eventually land on middle gray. By the time we left the beach, we realized we were soaked because the fog made it as if we were in a cloud. There was about an hour of wandering while waiting for the first diner to open, but the rest of the day was spent with dark and stormy's (oh-so-apropo), riding in the free trolly blasted with free coconut water signage (the new coffee coconut water = yum {I guess the ads worked}), a sun shower (okay, an actual rain-shower, but it didn't last that long), and discussing buddha cats and the purpose of life.
You know those days that you just. live. This was one of them and it was glorious, despite the rain.
Not pictured: Nicole getting feisty with the guy that started skateboarding on the train at 3:00 am when most people were sleeping. Everyone cheered after she yelled | Me swimming after having a couple of said, dark and stormy's | Oh, and the woman eating blueberries with chopsticks at the diner at 7:00 am. **
My lovely friend, Jeni, invited me to STooPS Bed-Stuy. Here's a bit about the event from their website: STooPS is a community-building event that will use the arts to bring people outside and promote social interaction among artists, homeowners, residents, and businesses of Bed-Stuy. Various Bed-Stuy homeowners will collaborate with local artists to host mini performances and art showcases on their stoops, yards, or sidewalks. At the same time, various local vendors, businesses, and organizations will bring folks together at the events main space, the Freebrook mansion at 375 Stuyvesant. The event will culminate with performances by several Brooklyn based companies and arts organizations. STooPS will unite a community! Not pictured: A quick summer rain, but it did not stop the dancing by the red stairs!