i've been in new york for nearly five years. it's hard to believe. even after all of this time, i still have those moments of "i live in new york..." that moment often warrants an exclamation mark (or several!!!!) because it makes my heart race just a tiny bit and i experience something almost like time travel - i'll flash back and forth between my childhood home, to days with the college girls, to the wreath with cat vomit that made hayden and i friends (and how that friendship has changed me), to packing up that car and just driving east, to this city which i really knew nothing about. i had no idea how that move would change my life. how much i would grow. how i would mend in the best possible way from a broken heart and learn that time really does heal all. how i would explore the all of the parts of myself and how the lesson of self-love would be the most challenging (and important) lesson to date.i don't remember the exact day i moved here, but i do remember that feeling.time is passing and moving. seasons shift. i still love flowers and leaves and sky and furry little animals make my stop and say hello. these things will never change. but other things will. i'll become less of this and a little more of that -- what those things are, i'm not even sure -- but i just know that change is happening.five years ago, i would have hated this thought. and while i don't welcome it with open arms - just yet - i do acknowledge it. because i see that change is okay and that we have choice.i have no idea what the next five years will bring - let alone the next five months. as long as i continue to live each day with love and compassion, for myself and others, i'll be alright. i don't have to figure everything out rightthisminute (even though sometimes i wish i could). there are still so many adventures to be had, places to explore.and there will always be furry animals to make me smile.
Reflections
Musings by Kim Tateo
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~ a letter from John Steinbeck totally worth reading
**painted for the family of the very best cats to cat sit! sadly, they are moving to london! i will miss them and the kitties, but am thrilled for their new adventures. xoxo
**for the record, i was actually trying to take photos of all of those birds in flight. it was so pretty to see them swirling around, but i think he thought i was taking his photo - hence the last pose.
life lately.
Great music (The Milk Carton Kids, Lumineers, and Old Crow Medicine Show) + great friends = a wonderful evening!The photos are blurry and sparse because I wasn't actually supposed to have my camera, but because this was a big deal for my dear friend, Francesca, (her bf is one of the MCK and was playing in Central Park - eek so cool!!!), I decided to sneak it out again. Dancing and swaying under the stars when all three bands came out for the finale was just awesome.I had a "moment" that night. At some point, I looked up, noticed the Big Dipper and decided it was a perfect place for my summer blues. I threw my hands into the air and said, "goodbye summer depression, funk, whatever-you-are/were, see ya later!" It sounds silly, but I allowed myself to leave those feelings into the night air - to accept the stuff from the past few months and just let go. Releasing that energy allowed me to move. In what direction I'm not entirely sure, but movement is good. It allows room for so much more, forgiveness, compassion, and maybe there will be hope for love or at least shoulder to rest my head on while looking at stars. Surely, what I released that night can be turned into something more beautiful. Perhaps a meteor shower."Stars should not be seen alone. That’s why there are so many. Two people should stand together and look at them. One person alone will surely miss the good ones." - Augusten Burroughs
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”c.s. lewis
better photos to come soon...
I met Jeni earlier this summer and we became instant friends. Perhaps it was because of our love of birds and visiting bodies of water in cities, but we have spent the past few Sundays having "Adventure Sunday". What I love about our friendship is our spontaneity.
We arrived at Cold Spring around 4:00 pm. I couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity of starting our hike as most people were leaving. After lathering the bug spray we started what would be an endless climb. The trails weren't clearly marked so we got lost pretty quick, but decided to make our own trail. We decided that the spiders (which I feared so) were what led us to safer pathways. The forest was beautiful, full of treasures including stick bugs, frogs, and the tiniest snake (which I tricked myself into thinking was a big worm). We even saw a deer and if you look closely at the photo, you'll see that my iphone captured it!
We climbed terribly high and enjoyed dates and quinoa crackers from the ledge. We thought ourselves AWESOME and started the trek down. And it was that...a f**ing trek! Keep in mind, we were off trail most of this hike, but it wasn't until the very end when the sun set a little too quickly past the mountain and we ended up in bramble of thorns that I began to disagree with our "awesome" sentiment. "We are no longer awesome, we are crazy!"
To be perfectly frank, I wanted to throw a big ol' fit, but I knew I couldn't. The only thing we could do was just work our way out of it. So we did. Jeni fearlessly led in the front, hacking thorns and leading. Being in the back, I felt a little helpless and my mind wandered to scary places. Just as I was imagining someone having to rescue us, we found the trail. I have never been so happy to have solid footing!It was awesome and WE ARE AWESOME for having done it. That said, I think I'll make sure our next hiking adventure starts a little earlier!
Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It’s all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary.
A few weeks ago, we had some friends come hang out at the Krull-tail apartment. "The pipe" is what Hayden used to share the air conditioning between the two rooms - this made for a very confused kitty. We ate pizza, happend upon a bazaar, ate fried oreos, wandered the neighborhood, and I took photos without autofocusing. They still turned out neat and it was a fun night.
I'm not a terribly patient person. I hate lines and I walk by the cars to avoid the sidewalk traffic (mostly in Times Square after work). If someone grabs a cab after I've been waiting for a long time, they will certainly get an earful - "haven't you heard of cab etiquette!" I also can't stand getting in an elevator with the person that take it one floor or when the elevator stops and it's full of people - what's the point of stopping? It's awkward for both people on either side of the door! Don't we have the technology to make it to the next requested floor without stopping?B u t....I have also been the person that walks up to the street and hails a cab without a wait - sometimes the person waiting is halfway down the street and you don't always see them or your hurried because you're late for a reservation or you just want in the cab so hands can roam and kisses don't have to be shared on the street. I've also been the person that sees something and will stop dead in my tracks to take the photo stopping the flow of traffic. Lessons have been learned while waiting in line with females wiser than me. I hardly take the elevator one floor though because I prefer the stairs (although my vertigo would disagree).I suppose we can all be what we dislike at times and we should remember compassion. It's easy for me to forget this - especially with myself - and it's easier for me to be critical and harsh. I just may have been that girl that believed in love so much that she stayed far too long in something that wasn't working. That same belief in love may have made that same girl "overshare" and that eagerness may have been too much for some. But I'm also the girl really DOES believe in love, goodness, and light and I'm learning to be the girl with more patience. Sometimes loneliness can be overwhelmingly intense, but this time I am trying something different - I am really learning how to be. In some ways, I think I've craved this time to myself. This scary, exhilarating place of choice within myself. As more time passes, I really understand the idea that you have to love yourself before you can be in something. It doesn't mean you're selfish or egotistical, but it's about respect.I am okay. In fact, I am more than okay - I think I realized that when I jumped in Lake Michigan. The more okay with myself and all of my parts, the better off. So here's to patience and taking time. Somehow I know that the rest, really will fall into place.
Well, here we are. The last month of summer.August. Overgrown greenery and the beginning of crisp leaves. Beautiful evening light. The last of the longest days and preparation for a cool (hopefully, but doubtful - I hate climate change) fall.We will enjoy afternoon tea for a wedding celebration in Chicago and welcome the return of dear friends who made a huge difference halfway around the world.This summer had rough patches and this little heart has been pushed and pulled in too many directions, but we're getting through it. Just a little bit at a time. *direct link*
